I’m constantly challenged to cut as many ties off with the internet as I can. I’ve already been off Facebook well over six months. I don’t have a Twitter account. Pinterest and Instagram are the only social media tools I use alongside blogging – and even that, I don’t “use” them to the fullest social media potential. And as for blogging – well, I’m haphazard, my site changes appearance when I have a whim to, and I have little interest in “putting myself out there” barring linking up when I can.
Don’t get me wrong, the temptation is there – just like it’s tempting to keep up with Jones’ in regards to housing, so it is with blogging. Beautiful sites, viral content, gospel influence – it’s all right there, at my fingertips. If the devil showed me all the possible outreach and opportunities that could be mine like he did Jesus, I wouldn’t deny him as wonderfully has Jesus did. If he showed me how much money and the perks that come with being a big blogger that could be mine, I would work harder and spend more hours into this blog of mine.
My heart isn’t fully bad. Yes, there are desires lurking in the shadows of my heart that would come out with a mighty roar if the opportunity presented itself. But there is also genuineness – a great desire to love the Lord, to point women to him and the amazing life that he presents to them in their roles as wife and mother. I want women to know that this life of sacrifice is good. Oh so good.
But something stops me. Something – and not just knowledge of my weaknesses – stops me from working harder to spread this message. Do you know what it is?
This one life. This one opportunity to love my husband as best as I can. This one chance to love my kids with all I can give.
Just one life.
Our days speed by. We’re up at six and, before we know it, it’s lunch, then dinner prep, then bedtime and another day has gone by as I head to bed. Where does this time go? Is there a fathomless bucket where God pours these moments into? Do they just disappear, never to be remembered or played over again – not even in Heaven?
Time, like grass, withers and fades. But what stands forever? God’s word.
“The grass withers, the flowers fade,
but the word of our God stands forever.” ~ Isaiah 40:8
I don’t want to miss my marriage. I don’t want to miss the presence of my husband, the lunchtime phone calls, the evenings enjoying shows on telly. I don’t want to miss the life in the eyes of my children. I don’t want to see their days go by while I sit at the computer doing my own thing. I don’t want to miss growth moments, learning moments, joyous moments, hard moments.
I want it all.
I’m not saying having a big blog is bad. Not at all. I follow a number that I just love, whose messages pour into my spirit. I just know that I can’t do it. I couldn’t work full-time with that and being a full-time wife and mother. Something would have to give in my life, and I don’t want it to be my children. I don’t want it to be my real life.
I love my mother. She loves the Lord and has done great things with children and refugees and has travelled with a special message of hope for those displaced by war, famine and unrest. She has loved the Lord well by sharing the light she has with those who need it.
But she missed some of our life. And we missed some of hers. Something always has to give. I vowed that my family would not be sacrifice.
So that’s why I won’t – God-willing – become a big blogger. I want real life. Because we only have it just the once. I want to live my quiet life, with my hands and love well. And on this blog, I hope to share in sporadic moments, this quiet life.