The Discipline of Giving Myself Grace.

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I’m not sure about you, but for me, grace is one of the last things I give myself.

Towards other people, I often encourage grace: Don’t kill yourself over this. Remember this is a season. Be kind to yourself, you’re going through a really hard time. 

In some ways, it’s easy. I see the whole picture, the wide lens on their situation and life. I’m not struggling to keep my head above the waves. I’m not in the hole with them, whatever it may be – suffering, doubt, insecurity, difficult circumstances. To my friends in these times, I believe I can see them the way God sees them: totally and absolutely loved, no matter how terrible the day, no matter how mucked things up are – they are resting in His love, His care, and His grace.

But can I see myself in this restful position of God’s grace? Ha, nope.

In me, I imagine how God expects more of me. Not because I’m better. Far from it. Rather, there is a very high standard expected of me – and I’m not making it. Though I can give others grace {most of the time, I’m a sinner]} when they don’t reach the standards they give themselves, I really struggle to allow myself the margin of failure.

I’ve often thought this was perfectionism. You know, that I must have perfection or nothing. But now, I don’t think this is true at all. As Christians, we are called to be holy as God is holy {1 Peter 1:16}. That is, we’re to be perfect.

Now, of course, we can’t be. We need Christ’s perfect holiness as our covering, changing us from the inside out. Yet, we are still called to pursue godliness, holiness, and right living.

Why?

Because of the grace that has been given to us. Because of grace, we are to be holy. Because of grace, we are to live godly lives. Because of grace, we are to be servants of Christ. All because of the unmerited favour lavishly poured out on us in Christ, through the Spirit, because of God’s love. It is something to drink in, fill up our souls with, and be poured out as living sacrifices in thankful worship.

But, most of the time, I can’t accept this grace for myself. I don’t deserve it. I need to work for this grace. I need to be enough to be able to have it.

That doesn’t make sense, does it? I try and earn grace – unmerited favour – by striving for it. That’s ridiculous and goes against the very Gospel that saved me. But it’s the truth about me. And I know it’s the truth for many women.

There is something in most people that causes us to strive. It causes us to believe there is no-one else as bad as me, or as worthless as me, or as

disgusting

perverted

useless

weird.

And we see this grace offered to us and we can’t believe it. We grab at it because our very lives and souls depend on it. We just need this grace.

But even when we have become God’s child, and we’re clean and free and righteous in His sight, all those old doubts come creeping back in. We start to think we need to be on that “good works treadmill” in order to continue to receive the grace that was given to us.

Friends, that grace hasn’t gone away. It is not taken from us because we slept in and didn’t pray – again, or that we gossiped – again, or that we slept with an old boyfriend – again. God doesn’t watch us and our pathetic attempts at rescuing ourselves and says, “Right, she’s mucked up again. I’m going to hang on to that grace again until she gets her act together”.

I know this is how we feel. I know this is the weight you feel – because I feel it too. By golly, I never feel enough. It is almost a constant conversation going on in my mind.

I’m not strong enough.

I can’t do as many things as she does.

I’m not as pretty.

Or as thin.

Or as accomplished.

What it comes down to is that I need to discipline myself to give myself grace, constantly. Not just on the bad days when I think I am no different to that wretched person the moment before she was saved. But I need to discipline myself on the good days when I have it all “together” – whatever that means.

Grace is a gift. It is there once given and is never taken away.

But I need to discipline myself to remember that and actively speak that truth to myself when I’m feeling like the world’s worst person. And you need to as well. Remember that we are under grace, which produces hope and mercy. It is living a life under the law that produces fear and wrath.

When you’re feeling weighted down, ask yourself, “Am I full of hope and mercy? Or am I feeling fear and wrath?” You’ll know which one, and then you need to speak truth to those untrustworthy feelings.

A beautiful book on grace is Transforming Grace: Living Confidently in God’s Unfailing Love by Jerry Bridges.

2 thoughts on “The Discipline of Giving Myself Grace.

  1. I appreciate this encouragement and challenge…to give ourselves grace. Not something that comes easy to me. I’ve learned speaking the truth out loud and writing it as a reminder to read and absorb during vulnerable times is so helpful!

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